Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
false alarm. still invincible.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
