I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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