What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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