Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
