D3 body, D1 cock
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
