She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
