She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
