I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
