called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize