i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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