I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
