So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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