Buhtt sex?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
