I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
