You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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