I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
