I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
