why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
