You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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