Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
