the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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