I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
