I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
