Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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