White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
