I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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