I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
