I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
