So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My feet surprised me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
