Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
