Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
