$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
