google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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