...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
