a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am available for nakedness