this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food