I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
her vagine was all disorganized.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.