You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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