My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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