I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
