I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
