yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
