You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
