I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
