Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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