Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I will die if light touches me.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
