Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
