I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
