have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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