i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
