Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
