Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Text me some of your sweat
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