Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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