i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
