one might say we're banned from that church
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
