did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
