If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
