im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
