i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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