i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just had sex on a roof
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
