I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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