Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
