You made me cry and you don't even care
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
