Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
