You're my little dorito
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Say something about gay babies.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
