You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize