Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
