im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
