Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
