you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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