i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
